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The Sacred Search: What If It's Not about Who You Marry, But Why?, by Gary Thomas
Get Free Ebook The Sacred Search: What If It's Not about Who You Marry, But Why?, by Gary Thomas
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Review
"Gary Thomas looks at the heart of a subject that many consider him an expert on—successful marriage. Anyone who is dating, engaged, or hopes to be one day needs to read this book!" (Ed Young)"Singles, pay attention. Gary knows marriage, and is eager to help those of us desiring marriage get there with confidence and grace." (Lisa Anderson)"Gary Thomas debunks the mythical search for a soul mate to help you choose a 'sole-mate'—someone who will lay down their life in faithful love. This biblically based book is for anyone who wants to be wise in their pursuit of a spouse." (Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott)"Gary creates a compelling argument that shifts the believer's view of relationships, dating, and marriage to focus on something greater. I'm thankful Gary has created this resource." (Joy Eggerichs)"The Sacred Search will help those who desire marriage to pursue it in a manner that deepens their faith, honors God, and blesses their future spouse." (Jim Daly)"Marriages are falling apart all around us and I believe Gary Thomas has just gone straight to the root. Gary just built a map to help you see through the emotion and infatuation to God's heart for dating and marriage." (Jennie Allen)"Our culture is obsessed with compatibility and chemistry. However, in relationship formation character always trumps chemistry. The Sacred Search is a gut check for anyone considering, delaying, or even pursuing marriage." (Ted Cunningham)"Why should I get married? could be the most important questions Milennials are asking. Gary Thomas helps this generation navigate the why in a Christ-honoring way." (Esther Fleece)"Filled with questions to make you think and teaching that will bring 'aha' moments, this book is a must read for everyone considering marriage. I highly recommend it to you—I wish I'd had it when I was single!" (Linda Dillow)"Gary Thomas dismantles contemporary philosophies on love, sexuality, and marital union by offering strong arguments for why they have not been successful. His appeal to a kingdom-first perspective gives both hope and healing for a generation in desperate need of a fresh and Christ-centered understanding of God's plan for marriage. This book is a must-read before anyone says 'I do.'" (Michelle Anthony)
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From the Back Cover
What if being in love isn’t a good enough reason to get married?What if dating isn’t about finding “the one” but about serving the One who lovesyou most? Don’t Get Married Until You Read This Book. In The Sacred Search, Gary Thomas challenges you to think beyond finding a “soul mate” and to look for a “sole mate”—someone who will walk with you on your spiritual journey. After all, if you don’t know why to marry, you won’t know who to marry. The Sacred Search casts a vision for building a relationship arounda shared spiritual mission—and making a marriage with eternity at its heart.
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Product details
Paperback: 256 pages
Publisher: David C Cook (January 1, 2013)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1434704890
ISBN-13: 978-1434704894
Product Dimensions:
5.5 x 0.6 x 8.2 inches
Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.8 out of 5 stars
607 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#3,989 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
This book is written to singles contemplating marriage, to a good partner! It is written by a Christian husband and father using principles from the Bible as a guide.WHAT READERS CAN LEARN FROM THIS BOOK1. If you seek first God's kingdom and His righteousness (Matthew 6:33) and let this principle undergird your decision regarding whom you choose to marry and refuse to compromise on that, you will increase the likelihood of a much more fulfilling, spiritually enriching, and overall more satisfying marriage.2. Being "in love" is not a reliable criterion for marrying someone. Women are more likely to experience romantic love with dominant men, even though dominant men typically demonstrate less ability to express the kind of companionship, relational skills, and emotional attachment that women ultimately desire in a lifelong mate. If you simply follow your feelings, you are more likely fall in love with a guy who will thrill you for twelve to eighteen months as a boyfriend and then frustrate you for five to six decades as a husband.3. The average life span of infatuation is two years. The author recommends a couple not get engaged less than one year before meeting because infatuation has to run its course in order to really get to know a person, including his or her weaknesses, before getting married. Discerning a person's true character, values, and suitability for marriage is hard work that takes time, counsel, and a healthy dose of skepticism. Brain scans of people together for 28 months showed a more realistic view of their partner than those together for 8 months.4. Our culture embraces the mistaken notion that there is only one specific person who can complete us, and we will know who that person is by the intense feelings we have. Conversely, the Bible does not teach that there is only one right person for you. Instead, it teaches that there are wise and unwise choices, and that a man should search for a woman of virtuous character (Proverbs 31:10). Desirable traits include (but are not limited to) industriousness (31:13, 19, 22), compassion for others (31:20), a good reputation (31:28, 29, 31), and, most importantly, having reverence for the Lord (31:30). Most married Christian women desire their husbands to be godly, to have a good sense of humor, to be an involved dad, and to have a strong work ethic, among other traits.5. A single person should become involved in social situations where they are more likely to meet a qualified marriage partner, such as church, work, or introductions through family and friends.6. Relationships are unstable when they are based upon (6.1) romantic idealism, (6.2) physical attraction, or (6.3) domination of one by the other. (6.1) If you're a romantic idealist, you're going to become very disappointed when your partner focuses on his business or hobby. (6.2) A marriage based primarily on mutual physical attraction is a shaky foundation, because marriage is about growing old together more than it is about being young together. A passionate partnership can seem intimately intense and satisfying when two people enjoy it, and suffocating when just one of them wants it. (6.3) Some people become interested in a relationship only when they are terrorized by or are terrorizing their partner, for reasons often related to past wounds and bent personalities. These couples fight, argue, make each other miserable and afraid, and may even have vigorous makeup sex. Exhausted and spent, they peacefully coexist for another short season until routine sets in and they start the horror cycle all over again. These people need to get healed before they get married.7. The author believes you should never marry a person who is highly arrogant, is unwilling to forgive, or expresses anger with physical violence.8. A complementarian marriage is one in which the husband leads by being a loving servant (Ephesians 5:22-32).9. Compatibility is about having the most important things in common. Prior to marriage, dating couples should respect and appreciate their partner's personality and character. Morally, the Bible prohibits sex outside marriage (I Corinthians 6:15-20). Neuro-chemically, sex before marriage bonds two people through the outpouring of oxytocin before they can properly test and evaluate each other's character. Sexual intimacy will cloud a person's judgment about their partner. If they see something about their partner's behavior or character that gives them pause, they will be inclined to continue with the relationship because of their sexual bond10. Design some dates specifically to reveal each other's character. Going to the movies, biking through the park, and eating out may produce a certain level of affection, but it doesn't tell you how a man would face a medical crisis, what kind of courage a woman has, what values each person lives by, or what spiritual pursuit drives the other person. You can find out your date's true character by paying attention to how he or she treats people.11. Pornography is destructive because it teaches wrong information about women, that they like to do certain things and act in certain ways that they really do not. Porn trains men to bond with the images of many women's bodies in general, but not to bond with one woman (as a whole person) in particular.12. Never marry someone just because you have been having sex with him or her, or because you feel sorry for that person, or because you want your search for a marriage partner to be over.
This book was suggested to me as the best time. I was in a relationship for a year and a half. Engaged, looking at houses, already bought my dress but was not feeling the excitement a bride should feel. There were red flags but I thought surely our love will overcome. 5 months before the wedding. I called it of as I began to read the book.within two weeks he was already dating someone else. I was hurt at how quickly I was replaced but relieved that I didn't marry him. Today marks a yr since the breakup and I finally sat down and finished the book. My life is fuller because I learned not just from the relationship and what God c showed me but I learned from this book as well...I recommended it to ask my single and dating friends.. God bless
This book has blessed my soul in so many ways. It was a gift to me from my son, 18 at the time, and being a single Christian that was currently back in the rat race of dating, this book has caused me to "pump the breaks" and to get and put things into its proper perspective. I don't have many conversations with friends, family or stranger before this book is mentioned. I recommend it for singles, parents of teens, youth ministers, counselors, and even some married folk... Unfortunately, I feel Gary Thomas should send me royalties...not because I've promote this wonderful book to nearly everyone that I come in conversation with, but because it seems like he merely changed the names in several of the examples mentioned when he could've just said my name for a ton of the examples... Thank you Gary for sharing...I only wish you could've written it 30 years ago but your book has blessed several lives in my family... I will be using this book in my church life group that I lead.
Trying to find a book of real substance in the Christian Living section at the bookstore can be more challenging than finding a Young Adult novel that doesn’t include a post-dystopian, star-crossed, vampire couple dying from cancer.When my eyes fell upon The Sacred Search by Gary Thomas my initial reaction was, “Oh, fantastic. Another Christian dating advice book. I swear if I hear the word courtship one more time I will become a eunuch!†Okay, maybe not.But seriously, I’ve read dozens of Christian dating books and very few have ever made much of an impact. Many of them lack real depth and are often very “me†focused. I was ready to move on to another shelf when a couple things caught my eye about this one.First off, I’m a big fan of the author, Gary Thomas. If you’re unfamiliar with Thomas, he’s penned many thoughtful books on marriage, parenting, and spiritual formation. Second, the tagline intrigued me, “What if it’s not about who you marry, but why?†I knew I had to give it a read.
Thomas charitably dispels a lot of the common myths of Christian dating and marriage. He gives thoughtful, practical advice for the “sacred search†while never losing focus of the bigger picture which he believes is summed up perfectly in Matthew 6:33, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.â€In addition to be a husband and father for many years, Thomas has counseled countless couples, and unfortunately, watched many of them end in divorce. While there’s no exact formula to avoid divorce, he points out the common pitfalls people stumble into when selecting a spouse.His tone is always candid, direct, and conversational. His wisdom and maturity shines through in way that many other authors lack. And his advice is useful no matter where you currently are in life - single, in a relationship, or already married.Some of my favorite chapters included:The Religious Romance Lottery“…God will bring the right person to me at the right time. I’ll just sit back and wait†Yeah. Right. Because sitting around is usually the best way to guarantee something amazing will happen in your life.For some reason we think that it’s different with relationships and I’ll admit that I have been guilty of the same logic. But Thomas encourages readers to look beyond praying and waiting. Start living with intention, walk towards the music, and pursue love.Soul Mate or Sole Mate?I feel this one ties closely to the idea of same thought as Romance Lottery. Many people believe there is the “One†person whom God has predestined to be their spouse. It’s a romantic notion. But there’s a danger in this mindset since the only One we are truly destined for is our Lord.What You Don’t Know Really Can Hurt YouHe explores the impact of personal history, particularly how our sexual history can affect our relationships. He attempts to address all of the other baggage that growing up in post-sexual revolution culture brings with it.Other chapters break down the common marriage styles, helping the reader to do a little introspection and consider what’s really important in a relationship. It’s not about finding someone who is exactly like you, but someone who is compatible.There is a whole chapter dedicated to the importance of mutually agreed upon gender roles. It’s an issue that can completely derail a relationship, especially in Christian circles, if not agreed upon.He is also unafraid to address the raw, biological forces that come into play with attraction and romance. Too many pastors, Christian psychologists, and writers foolishly shy away from this topic. While he isn’t a scientist, I admire his willingness to recognize and discuss the significance biology plays in affection and love.I could go on and on since this book is full of little gold nuggets but you should check it for yourself. It’s quick, yet powerful read.
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